HUMOR FROM THE CLASSROOM...
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TOP TEN THINGS TO TELL THE NEW TEACHER
by YENDOR (email@example.com)
10. "Here come the superintendent. He likes to be called by his nickname...Stinky."
9. "Lucky you...your parking spot is right next to the office!"
8. "Remember, Friday is Funny Hat Day."
7. "Be sure to tell your kids to walk on the LEFT side of the hall."
6. "Don't take your lunch count in the mornings...bring it to lunch
5. "We only give our kids one bathroom break a day."
4. "Don't bother to knock...just go on in the principal's office."
3. "Don't pay attention to that bell. They're always working on the bells here."
2. "No, we don't bother getting a witness to paddle students."
1. "You HAVEN'T turned in your yearly lesson plans yet???????????"
SEARCHING FOR THE OBVIOUS
by Goose/TX (firstname.lastname@example.org)
Last week, a friend directed my attention to a column in the Dallas Morning News concerning recent revelations in studies of the erratic behavior of fourteen-year-olds. I have no idea how many of our tax dollars were consumed in these scientistsí quest for the solution to the mysterious behavior of these "humans" who are undergoing metamorphosis, but I could have saved them a lot of time, paper, and frustration.
How can we expect to unravel the complexity of puberty when we ourselves didnít understand it while being under siege by it? If we didnít understand it then, how in the Jupiter can we expect to understand it now?
I suspect that those scientists are members of our "Baby Boomer" generation and are actually attempting to somehow artificially reproduce these supercharging hormones. If this is indeed their ulterior motive, theyíre in for more than a rude awakening.
Obviously, these scientists havenít been surrounded by fourteen- year-olds for most of their lives as I have, or they would never dream of subjecting an "older body" to such torture. A fifty-year-old body could not possibly withstand the obscenely enormous amount of energy that those hormones would produce. And, if by some miracle it did, how would a fifty-year-old possibly survive the constant urges to trip, hit, grab, punch, kick and poke every friend that he had? How would the old back and knees withstand constantly running everywhere and periodically tripping, falling and sprawling about on the floor? I donít think that a person of this age could live on nothing but candy bars, chips, and Cokes. Probably, the personís heart would explode in rebellion after the first dose of the hormones.
However, I would not be surprised if such a discovery were actually made and the product marketed. I can just imagine the warning labels on the bottles. "Caution: Consumption of the contents of this bottle may cause sudden urges to trip, kick, poke, grab, choke, or hit other people. This product will severely inhibit a personís ability to operate a motor vehicle. Consult a physician before taking this product. Side effects may include black eyes, bloody noses, loss of friends, loss of jobs, divorces, broken legs, arms, and other body parts along with hearing loss due to uncontrollable urges to listen to Brittany Spears. For additional information, visit our web site at www.fourteenyearolds.com." By the way, I actually visited that site... itís under construction. I suppose that an "older person" owns it and has now idea what to put on it. Oh yes, one more thing. The scientistsí conclusion concerning the bewildering behavior of fourteen-year-olds was that their brains change during puberty. The obvious is revealed once again!
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