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TEACHERS.NET GAZETTE
Volume 4 Number 4

COVER STORY
No matter how many hundred of millions of dollars are spent, school reform initiatives will continue to produce unsatisfying results until we unflinchingly address the critical problem of teacher quality.
We're Still Leaving the Teachers Behind...
REGULAR FEATURES
Apple Seeds: Inspirational quotes by Barb Erickson
Special Days This Month by Ron Victoria
Featured School
Classroom Photos by Members of the Teachers.Net Community
April Poem
Skyscraper
The Lighter Side of Teaching
  • Eat More Spinach by Goose
  • Classroom Chuckles
  • YENDOR'S Top Ten
  • Georgia's Head-tricks
  • Schoolies
  • Woodhead
  • Classroom Crafts
    Help Wanted - Teaching Jobs
    PRINTABLES
    April Calendar
    Pippi Longstocking Novel Study
    Math Fact House
    0 - 15 Numberline
    Contraction Strips
    Upcoming Ed Conferences
    Letters to the Editor
    ON-SITE INSIGHTS
    Is it because I'm a first-born, or because I'm a teacher? (School Supply Junkie) by cougar
    "The Human Body" Lessons & Activities from a Teachers.Net Mailring
    April Columns
    April Articles
    April Informational Items
    Gazette Home Delivery:

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    The Lighter Side of Teaching

    Here at Teachers.Net we realize that laughter is the best medicine, and we've got your prescription filled! Visit our Classroom Humor Chatboard and combat classroom stress by enjoying the smiles that make teaching so rewarding.



    © John P. Wood for
    Learning Laffs  

    Eat More Spinach
    by Goose/TX (
    goose@teachers.net)


    The end of another week has again arrived, and I again haven't slowed down enough to sit in front of the computer to write an article. However, the prevailing events of the world have sufficiently stimulated my mind so that I'm able to conjure up enough errant thoughts to fill a page.

    This war in the desert amazingly resembles the old Popeye cartoons in which Bluto is the dastardly bad guy, Popeye is the eternal do-gooder, and Olive Oil and Sweet Pea are the innocent victims of Bluto's evil deeds. Saddam thrives on the unabashed use of blatant dirty tricks and unscrupulous tactics in hopes that the United States, will never resort to such underhanded methods in retaliation. President Bush gave Saddam numerous chances to clean up his act, but the reprehensible bad guy continued to terrorize innocent Olive Oils and Sweet Peas.

    About a week ago, President Bush reached his breaking point and opened his can of spinach. However, there are some folks who don't believe that President Bush should have opened his spinach, folks who don't like his brand of spinach, and the spinach rights activists who totally oppose any use of spinach. I'm considering sending President Bush an entire case of spinach. In fact, I might visit Austin the next time the peace marchers march down Congress Avenue and carry my own sign stating, "Eat more spinach!!"

    This war also resembles teachers attempting to survive their profession amid today's bleeding-heart society. In recent years, I have observed an alarming increase in students who are scruples-challenged and impertinent-enhanced. As a result, society is running around wringing its hands and wondering why there has been an alarming increase in school violence.

    The spinach which the teachers and administrators formerly utilized to suppress the dastardly acts of the unscrupulous students, has been outlawed by the spinach right activists. The bullies know that the teachers and administrators are no longer allowed to eat their spinach, and as a result, they increasingly terrorize innocent students.

    Bluto, Saddam, and the school bullies are all incorrigible bad guys. Fortunately, we've had a Popeye to rectify Bluto and President Bush to stymie Saddam. Unfortunately, the politically correct folks who control our schools are still in the spinach denial era. Hopefully, they'll soon realize that little white pills, and anger management sessions aren't sufficiently effective. Until that day arrives, all teachers should unite, write to your congressperson, and continue to demand the legalization of spinach in the classroom for teachers.

    Support our troops and teachers; eat more spinach!!


    Classroom Chuckles
    From the First Grade Mailring

    Apostrophe?

    by Helen/NC


    I just had to share this:

    I teach in rural southeastern North Carolina, in a small town that has a very low socioeconomic level....most of our kids are on free or reduced lunch.

    I just sometimes forget how far removed some of my students are from our everyday lives.

    Today we were discussing contractions....one of my lowest students has really started trying lately....he just has played through so much, he is not really sure what we are doing.

    Anyway, we were discussing contractions, and I was writing the word won't on the board and saying each letter and apostrophe etc....This little guy spoke up...Mrs. Gore! What's "possum feet?" He was serious...thought I was saying possum feet instead of apostrophe...the other kids laughed but I treated his question very seriously and told him that I must speak clearer, because the mark we were talking about was an apostrophe...and had him say it with me...I only laughed after I left the room!! I don't think I will ever forget to put the "possum feet" in the word won't though!!!!


    Georgia's Head-tricks  


    © Georgia Hedrick  


    YENDOR'S TOP TEN THINGS I BOUGHT WITH MY PURCHASE MONEY THIS YEAR
    by YENDOR (
    yendor@teachers.net)


    10. Inflatable doll in my likeness for faculty meetings.



      9.

    Manure spreader for all the NO CHILD LEFT BEHIND material I will receive for the next three years.




      8.

    The book HOW TO USE YOUR STATE MONEY TO EAT AT HOOTERS.




      7.

    Water cooler with built in Xanax dispenser.




      6.

    Playboy calendar. (I told them it was works of art by famous American artists.)




      5.

    ZIPPY--the new automatic zipper alert beeper for whenever you forget.




      4.

    The book THE SMARTEST PRINCIPALS and SUPERINTENDENTS IN AMERICA. (It's a very short book.)




      3.

    Donated to the DAY OF SILENCE people...only because I would like for my kids to keep their #$@#)$(#@) mouths shut for ONE day.




      2.

    Those funny glasses that make it look like your eyes are open all the time. (You canít stay awake ALL DAY!)










    And the number 1 Thing I Bought With My Purchase Money This Year...









    Classroom supply of BEANO!


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    © John P. Wood for
    Learning Laffs  

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