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Volume 3 Number 12

Eric Carle said, "I long dreamt of a museum for children and families," and now his dream has come true...
Apple Seeds: Inspirational quotes by Barb Erickson
Special Days This Month by Ron Victoria
Featured Schools
Classroom Photos by Members of the Teachers.Net Community
December Poem
Morning Chorus by Zheljko Stanimirovic
The Lighter Side of Teaching
  • Classroom Chuckles
  • Twinkie Tweaking by Goose
  • YENDOR'S Top Ten
  • Schoolies
  • Woodhead
  • Handy Teacher Recipes
    Classroom Crafts
    Help Wanted - Teaching Jobs
    Collaboration Collage from the Lesson Bank
    Printable Gingerbread Figure for Take-Home Project
    Kindergarten Christmas Vocabulary Enrichment, Predictable Text Book
    2003 Calendars
    Upcoming Ed Conferences
    Letters to the Editor
    Unexpected Appreciation by Tina in Texas, A Special Smile by Peg, Dry Socks He Wore on His Heart by Jeanne
    Tracking? Does it make some kids feel dumb?
    December Columns
    December Articles
    December Informational Items
    Gazette Home Delivery:

    Teachers.Net Humor Chatboard...
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    Need a chuckle?

    Out of the mouths...

    Posted by still chuckling

    Today our assistant was checking the kindergarten students to see if they knew personal info such as their names, phone numbers, addresses, etc. She asked one little darling if she knew her address. The little girl thought and thought and then said, "Yes, it is black with orange flowers but my mom wouldn't let me wear it to school." (a -dress, get it?)

    The bad word...

    Posted by schmackywacky on 11/02/02

    Some kinders were playing at recess when one came running up to his teacher. "What's the matter sweetie? Why are you crying?" the teacher asked.
    "Because Aaron called me a bad word," was the tearful reply.

    "What word did he say?" asked the teacher.
    "He said the "T" word," the sad little boy answered.

    The teacher began racking her brain--the "T" word? What on earth was the "T" word?
    "Honey, you're going to have to tell me the "T" word,"the teacher finally said.
    The little boy looked up and said,"He called me Toopid!"

    The Lighter Side of Teaching

    Here at Teachers.Net we realize that laughter is the best medicine, and we've got your prescription filled! Visit our Classroom Humor Chatboard and combat classroom stress by enjoying the smiles that make teaching so rewarding.

    © John P. Wood for
    Learning Laffs  

    Twinkie Tweaking
    by Goose/TX (

    Several weeks ago, I read an article concerning fried Twinkies. A gourmet chef by the name of Sells who is a 36-year-old of Rugby, England discovered this taste treat while he and his cohorts were experimenting with a deep fryer. Previously, they had attempted to fry Peppermint Patties, M&M's, and Mars Bars which are a Scottish delicacy. The Patties were a total, gooey disaster, and the M&M's fell through the fry basket and turned into crispy critters.

    While reading the article, I discovered that, after frying the Twinkies, they sprinkled them with powdered sugar. Apparently, the fried Twinkies were a huge success as they were sold in New York for three dollars each.

    Last Wednesday, I encountered another reference to fried Twinkies which sent my curiosity over the edge. I hadn't eaten a Twinkie in years and only remembered them as a gooey, greasy pastry that I couldn't enjoy without leaving evidence around my mouth. Maybe fried Twinkies were worth sampling. Off I went to the nearest convenience store.

    Upon returning, I found a pan and placed what I thought was a sufficient amount of oil in it. Later, I discovered that the Twinkies should be cooked at 400 degrees, but I didn't know that at the time and cranked up the heat. When smoke began to rise from the oil, I decided that the temperature was about right.

    I placed the first Twinkie into the hot oil. Obviously, the temperature of the oil was a bit extreme because before I could turn the Twinkie over, it was more of a charred color than a golden brown. Being of the true male nature, instead of letting the oil cool, I viewed the turning of the Twinkies before they burned as a challenge. In went the next Twinkie that I quickly turned over and retrieved from the oil before it could be charred. Viola! A perfectly fried Twinkie!!

    Quickly, I grabbed for the third Twinkie, but unfortunately, the bottom half stuck to the cardboard surface it was on. Too bad, in went the bottomless Twinkie. Again I successfully plucked it from the searing oil before it was charcoaled. I was a success! However, I was standing in a smoke filled kitchen. Quickly, I took the pan outside and placed it on the step.

    After clearing the smoke somewhat, I took my first bite of a fried Twinkie. It was surprisingly enjoyable. The next bite reminded me of French toast with powdered sugar and syrup. The third bite seemed to resemble pancakes and syrup. The fourth brought back memories of waffles topped with syrup and whipped cream. The fifth of corn fritters covered with powdered sugar. Before I realized it, I had consumed two of the three Twinkies, and only the burned one remained.

    This placed me in a dilemma because my wife would soon return, smell the smoke, and want to know what I had been cooking. I couldn't present her with the single burned Twinkie. Off to the store I went for more Twinkies.

    While in the store, I began to consider what folks really enjoyed consuming that might possibly be fried to enhance its flavor. On my way to the Twinkies shelf, I discovered the answer to my question: Bottled water. If folks are willing to pay seventy-nine cents for a bottle of plain water, maybe I could sell fried water for $1.50 per bottle!

    Middle Age Fashion Faux Pas
    Posted by Grace/IL on the Golden Apples Chatboard

    The following combinations DO NOT go together

    A nose ring and bifocals

    Spiked hair and bald spots

    A pierced tongue and dentures

    Bikinis and liver spots

    Miniskirts and support hose

    In-line skates and a walker

    Ankle bracelets and corn pads

    Speedos and cellulite

    A belly button ring and a gall bladder surgery scar

    Unbuttoned disco shirts and a heart monitor

    Hot pants and varicose veins

    Midriff shirts and a midriff bulge

    I'm not saying the above is the last word on the subject. Simply use it as a guideline. The fashion police will thank you for it.

    by YENDOR (

    10. (To the librarian) "Did you go to college to learn how to say sssssssh?"


    (To the janitor) "Hey, let me hold that broom and lean against the wall awhile. You must be getting awfully tired!"


    (To a lunchroom worker) "Do your wrists get tired from opening all those cans?"


    (To the assistant principal) "What does it feel like…..having no REAL authority?


    (To the secretary) "You're smiling! Taking another half day?"


    (To the music teacher) " You can really read music?"


    (To the art teacher) "Ever hear about those people who put a paint brush in an elephant's trunk and let them paint? I guess you really don't have to have much talent to be an artist, do you?"


    (To the PTO president) "Been spending a lot of time in the principal's office again haven't you?"


    (To a school board member) "Ever hear Mark Twain's quote? He said that God made idiots….that was for practice. Then he made school boards."

    And the number 1 thing not to say at school...

    (To a fellow teacher) "Hey! You're holding a textbook! What's the matter…Blockbuster closed last night?"

    Latest Posts on the Classroom Humor Chatboard...
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    © John P. Wood for
    Learning Laffs