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Volume 3 Number 8

Harry & Rosemary Wong remind us that, "An induction program is an organized, sustained, multiyear process with many activities designed to help you succeed...."
Apple Seeds: Inspirational quotes by Barb Erickson
Special Days This Month by Ron Victoria
Featured Schools
Two - In August poems
The Lighter Side of Teaching
  • YENDOR'S Top Ten
  • Genius At Play by Goose
  • Schoolies
  • Woodhead
  • Handy Teacher Recipes
    Classroom Crafts
    Help Wanted - Teaching Jobs
    "Wonderful Watermelon Unit" from the Lesson Bank by Addie Gaines
    Upcoming Ed Conferences
    Letters to the Editor
    Teachers.Net Survey Chatboard Poll: Weird Things Teachers Do
    They Said That About Me! by Lennette Holden
    Monthly Themed Bulletin Board by Bubba~Sue 1st grade
    August Columns
    August Articles
    August Informational Items
    Gazette Home Delivery:

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    © John P. Wood for
    Learning Laffs  

    Genius At Play
    by Goose/TX (

    After completing nearly ten months of being held captive by fourteen-year-olds, I've been enjoying the company of my fourteen-month-old granddaughter, Katie, along with her parents. I've noticed a vast number of personality differences between the two ages. I don't think that I would survive a classroom filled with fourteen-month-olds very long.

    My daughter told me that she changes Katie's diaper about seven times each day. If I were to have a class of twenty fourteen-month-olds, I'm guessing that I would have to change each baby's diaper about three times which would amount to sixty diaper changes. That task alone would probably consume two or three hours of my time.

    I'm sure that if I were to have such a class, the state of Texas would create some sort of test that the fourteen-month-olds would be required to pass. I'm guessing that one of the requirements of the students would be demonstrating that they have successfully mastered the skill of playing peek-a-boo with both one hand and two. Also, making handprints on mirrors, glass doors, and windows would probably be a requirement along with pulling all of the pots and pans out of a cupboard within a designated amount of time.

    Additional issues would require fourteen-month-olds to empty and scatter the contents of a twenty-piece toy box in three minutes or less. The ability to successfully hide remote controls would have to be demonstrated along with hiding cordless phones. The skill of separating pairs of shoes so that they are hopelessly lost should also be tested.

    One of the most interesting skills which should be addressed on the test would be the ability of fourteen-month-olds to snatch a pair of glasses off of a person's face before the person can prevent the action. Realistically though, that skill should be learned much earlier, probably at four months.

    I don't really know how a teacher could teach all of these skills to a classroom filled with fourteen-month-olds, but my daughter and her husband have managed to teach their daughter these impressive skills along with many more. Now, all I need is a test for my granddaughter to pass with flying colors so that I can show off with a bumper sticker on my truck which states, "I'm the proud grandpa of a fourteen-month-old honor student."

    by YENDOR (

    10. Assign the same homework each night.


    Introduce yourself each day with a new name.


    Assign math problems for English homework.


    At the end of each day, say "see you on Monday!"


    Call a different student 'Lester' everyday.


    Ask for the lunch count at the end of the day.


    Keep scratching your head while mumbling something about lice.


    When reciting the Pledge, instead of saying "with liberty and justice for all"....say "with liberty and justice for penguins."


    Whenever a bell rings, act scared and say, " GET UNDER YOUR DESKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"


    Stand facing the wall and yell over and over "Class??? Class???? Where are you??????"

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    © John P. Wood for
    Learning Laffs