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TEACHERS.NET GAZETTE
Volume 3 Number 9

COVER STORY
U.S.Coast Guard AVDET 157 welcomes the opportunity during deployment to the South Pole to communicate with classrooms across the United States. Throughout the voyage, aviation personnel will correspond with schools that are interested in Operation Deep Freeze...
REGULAR FEATURES
Apple Seeds: Inspirational quotes by Barb Erickson
Special Days This Month by Ron Victoria
Featured Schools
One (9/11 poem) and September poem
The Lighter Side of Teaching
  • YENDOR'S Top Ten by RandyAk
  • Goose Holler by Goose
  • Schoolies
  • Woodhead
  • Handy Teacher Recipes
    Classroom Crafts
    Help Wanted - Teaching Jobs
    Rhyming With Pancakes from the Lesson Bank by Paul Many
    Upcoming Ed Conferences
    Letters to the Editor
    Teachers.Net Survey Chatboard Poll: What Makes a Truly Great Principal?
    TEACHER INSPIRATION
    The Light In Our Lives by Pamela Owen
    ON-SITE INSIGHTS
    A Project for Exchanging Creative Lessons & Ideas by Sandy Andrews
    September Columns
    September Articles
    September Informational Items
    Gazette Home Delivery:

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    © John P. Wood for
    Learning Laffs  

    Goose Holler
    by Goose/TX (
    goose@teachers.net)


    Karen and I made two radical decisions toward the end of the previous school year. After living in the same area for 22 years, we decided that it was time for a move and for me to retire. We sold our house, and found Karen another job teaching English 540 miles south in Lockhart, Texas which is 25 miles from where two of our kids live in Austin and much closer to our daughter, her husband and our granddaughter. I don't think that there are many states in which a person can move 540 miles and still be in the same state---unless it's insanity.

    We finally were able to move into our new house six days before Karen had to show up for work at her new school. Being a new teacher, she was required to attend an additional two days of meetings along with five more days of mind-numbing teachers' meetings.

    I had no meetings to attend, no insurance forms to fill out, no boring speakers to listen to, no skeptical principal reminding me that I was there for the kids, no robotic superintendent stating that he was excited about another school year, no list of duties, no business manager reminding me that I must fill out the proper requisition forms, no head of transportation warning me that I must fill out transportation requests at least two weeks ahead of time, nobody asking for volunteers for various committees, no financial representative, no rah rah ree speaker, no warnings about a limited number of copies I could make on the copy machine, no departmental meetings, no bells ringing, and most of all, no insolent eighth grade girls. I was free!

    Immediately after Karen left for her first day of meetings, I discovered that I had a few decisions to make. Should I work on the yard, ride my bicycle, play golf, clean house, wash clothes, watch television, unpack more boxes, check my email, or write an article for Kathleen? Amazingly, I have been able to survive two weeks of living during the school year without attending any meetings. However, I am concerned that I might feel compelled to install a bell system in our house so that I won't undergo some sort of psychotic reaction resulting from bell ringing withdrawal.

    I'm not sure what aspect of being retired is the most enjoyable. I don't have to fight my way through the lunch-line everyday and then devour my lunch in the short time allowed for in-taking food. Doing so many times caused my body to experience an excess of gas. Fortunately, my classroom had an outside door which allowed me to escape the classroom periodically. My occasional stepping outside sometimes resulted in questions from my students. I simply replied to them that I was checking the weather to determine whether or not I would play golf after school.

    Concerning bodily functions, my bladder has become much healthier. I'm sure that it appreciates not becoming so swelled up as a result of my not being able to relieve it during class. Many times I had attempted to make the trek to the bathroom between classes only to be confronted by several students who had questions that needed answering or attendance slips which needed to be signed.

    Of course being retired does result in a reduction in income. Mine was reduced by about thirty percent. I decided that if I couldn't find anything else better, I could substitute a few times each month to make up the difference. However, last weekend, I was able to win $100 dollars in a golf tournament. Possibly, I just need to sign up for more golf tournaments. Decisions, decisions---retirement can really be challenging.


    TOP TEN REASONS YENDOR DIDN'T GET HIS WORK IN ON TIME
    by RandyAk


    10. Spilled beer into the keyboard.



      9.

    Has the "only 175 days left in the school year" blues.




      8.

    Wrote fantastic Top Ten list then woke up from the dream.




      7.

    Ran out of his medication. Had to try Do It Yourself Method




      6.

    Three little words...The Dog Ate It.




      5.

    Went to a Michelle Shocked concert and didn't regain consciousness for 3 days.




      4.

    Too busy hiding from his Sis to write.




      3.

    Paranoid compulsion that we are watching him through computer monitor.




      2.

    Reading reports, grading papers, doing lesson plans and...no wait. That's why I don't write anymore.










    And the number 1 reason why Yendor didn't do his work on time...









    Invited to visit the Principal's office and told to "Close the door!" He hasn't come out in 3 weeks.


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    © John P. Wood for
    Learning Laffs  

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