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Volume 3 Number 10

"Everybody loves hummingbirds, and they are wonderful tools to excite students about learning."

That quote from a classroom teacher is the basic premise of Operation RubyThroat: The Hummingbird Project...

Apple Seeds: Inspirational quotes by Barb Erickson
Special Days This Month by Ron Victoria
Featured Schools
October Poem
Frost at Midnight
The Lighter Side of Teaching
  • IEPs According to Dr. Suess
  • Soda Pop Lawyers by Goose
  • YENDOR'S Top Ten
  • Schoolies
  • Woodhead
  • Handy Teacher Recipes
    Classroom Crafts
    Help Wanted - Teaching Jobs
    Harvest/Pumpkin Poems and Songs from the Lesson Bank
    Tic-Tac-Toe Homework from Jennifer Poe & Literature Circle Role Sheets from Donna Baker
    Upcoming Ed Conferences
    Letters to the Editor
    Trouble in Little Texas by Rhonda Henson, This is the Kind Of Moment I Live For by Bill T 7 NC, Random Act of Kindness Today by MaryB, and MORE...
    Least Restrictive Environment -- For All, Ward or Intensive Care? from Teachers.Net Chatboard
    October Columns
    October Articles
    October Informational Items
    Gazette Home Delivery:

    Teachers.Net Humor Chatboard...
    Teachers, yuk it up at the Teachers.Net Humor Chatboard. Contribute your favorite anecdote or joke and put a smile on the face of someone you'll never meet! The Classroom Humor Chatboard is updated regularly by contributions from teachers everywhere - submit your post today! Classroom Humor Chatbord.

    Classroom Chuckle

    Last Friday I pulled one of my favorite little fellas up to the table to give him the first portion of the QRI, a reading inventory. He is a struggling reader with a quiet voice and even though the children were working quietly as he began reading through the words on the word list, I found it difficult to determine how he pronounced the ending sound to some of the words. I paused at the end of a list and announced loudly, "I'm having trouble hearing Dedrick. I need complete quiet." I noticed a child heading to the restroom and anticipated the loud plumbing...."And don't even think about going to that john!" At this Dedrick just cracked up. Between gulps of laughter he said, "That's what we've named our's too!"

    God love 'em!

    Teacher Social Chatboard...
    Teachers, let down your hair on the new Teachers.Net Social Chatboard. Tell a joke, set up a meeting, ask for someone's thoughts or prayers, or just vent or brag about what's new in your life. Bookmark the Teachers.Net Social Chatboard and contribute often.
    The Lighter Side of Teaching

    Here at Teachers.Net we realize that laughter is the best medicine, and we've got your prescription filled! Visit our Classroom Humor Chatboard and combat classroom stress by enjoying the smiles that make teaching so rewarding.

    © John P. Wood for
    Learning Laffs  

    Soda Pop Lawyers
    by Goose/TX (

    I fear that there may arise a tremendous controversy between a multitude of activists who will so thoroughly constipate our legal system that our society will be paralyzed in a hopeless gridlock.

    As a result of the accusations declaring that schools are partially responsible for the alarming increase in overweight teen-agers because of the availability of soft drinks in schools, I'm sure that an activist group will be formed to protest soda pop machines in public schools. No doubt the activists will eventually activate a class-action lawsuit against every soda pop vending school in America. Not only will the schools lose the funding provided by the soda pop machines, but they will also be forced to shell out absurd amounts of cash to procure the services of an attorney. I wouldn't be the least bit surprised if we begin to see commercials on television in which pseudolawyers are offering their services to victims of schools with soda pop machines. Possibly, we might even see a school superintendent in Judge Judy's courtroom.

    After the soda pop worm is acknowledged via the legal system, the other worms in the can will begin crawling out. Algebra, which is provided by schools, undoubtedly causes students considerable stress that might possibly be linked to an increase in their blood pressures or decrease in their mental stability. I might get in on that one. I still think that my frustration with algebra somehow has caused a distortion in my reasoning abilities.

    Probably, the worst side effect of schools results from their purpose---education. Somewhere around the beginning of puberty, a student's mind becomes utterly consumed with the effects of puberty. His interest in learning is completely obliterated by his concern with his appearance and what his friends are doing. Suddenly, he perceives most adults as imbeciles, whereas he believes himself to be indomitable. Anything that he doesn't already know or understand is, in his opinion, stupid. Due to his limited education, he is totally unaware of the immenseness of the world and knowledge which he has no idea exists.

    Gradually, during his junior high years, teachers are able to implant bits and pieces of knowledge within his brain, which cause him to become curious and seek understanding. As he solves one problem he discovers that three additional problems appear. He now becomes hopelessly trapped between his desire for knowledge and the frustration resulting from the additional problems, which arise from knowledge. Eventually, he begins to understand that there is a massive amount of knowledge that he never realized existed.

    As the student progresses through high school, he begins to realize how much he doesn't know. If the student attends college, he continues to become exposed to tremendous amounts of knowledge that he never knew existed.

    Eventually the person begins to understand that the entire educational system is an exasperating never-ending process. At the beginning of the process, he felt as if he was fairly intelligent and that there weren't too many things that he didn't know about. At the end of his formal education, he realizes that he knows enormously less information relative to what he doesn't know. Had he never attended school, he would have never realized his lack of knowledge.

    Good grief! This is so complicated that I've totally confused my self, or should that be myself? I've been in education so long that I don't know if I knew it and forgot it or forgot to renew it. I've got to consult one of those television lawyers before I lose everything that I thought I had.

    by YENDOR (

    10. Still stuck in the Big Brother House...even after the show is over!


    Working on my plan to become the next great white rapper.


    Been seeing a counselor over results of American Idol.


    Was arrested because of stealing so many pics and posting them on Teachers.Net.


    Trying to decide...dumb or stupid.


    Devastated for the 24th year after not being chosen as Teacher of the Year.


    Thought I had been accepted in Chippendales….turned out it was CHUNK and Dales.


    Put electric fence around my desk and now I can't get out!


    Got in fight with Randy of Alaska. A big car is NOT a truck!

    And the number 1 reason why I didn't to a Top Ten list last month...

    I forgot.

    IEPs According to Dr. Suess
    (author unknown)

    Do you like these IEPs?

    I do not like these IEP's
    I do not like them, Jeeze Louise
    We test, we check
    we plan, we meet
    but nothing ever seems complete.

    Would you, could you
    like the form?

    I do not like the form I see.
    Not page 1, not 2, not 3.
    Another change,
    a brand new box. I think we all
    Have lost our rocks.

    Could you all meet here or there?

    We could not all meet here or there.
    We cannot all fit anywhere.
    Not in a room
    Not in a hall
    There seems to be no space at all.

    Would you, could you meet again?

    I cannot meet again next week
    No lunch, no prep
    Please hear me speak.
    No, not at dusk and not at dawn
    At 4 p. m. I should be gone.

    Could you hear while all speak out?
    Would you write the words they spout?

    I could not hear, I would not write
    This does not need to be a fight.

    Sign here, date there,
    Mark this, check that.
    Beware the student's ad-vo-cat(e).

    You do not like them
    so you say
    Try it again! Try it again!
    and then you may.

    If you let me be,
    I'll try again
    and you will see.


    I almost like these IEP's
    I think I'll write 6003.
    And I will practice day and night
    Until they say
    "You've got it right".

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    © John P. Wood for
    Learning Laffs