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TEACHERS.NET GAZETTE
Volume 4 Number 3

COVER STORY
Happy 7th Anniversary Teachers.Net...
REGULAR FEATURES
Apple Seeds: Inspirational quotes by Barb Erickson
Special Days This Month by Ron Victoria
A New Twist on Featured Schools
Classroom Photos by Members of the Teachers.Net Community
March Poems
March, There Was Crimson Clash of War, The Peaceful Shepherd
The Lighter Side of Teaching
  • Retirement Appreciation Seminar by Goose
  • Classroom Chuckles
  • Georgia's Head-tricks
  • Schoolies
  • Woodhead
  • Handy Teacher Recipes
    Classroom Crafts
    Help Wanted - Teaching Jobs
    Story Stew from the Lesson Bank
    PRINTABLES
    Concentration Word Games
    Penguin Facts Study Sheet
    "Elmer" the Patchwork Elephant
    Upcoming Ed Conferences
    Letters to the Editor
    March Columns
    March Articles
    March Informational Items
    Gazette Home Delivery:

    Teachers.Net Humor Chatboard...
    Teachers, yuk it up at the Teachers.Net Humor Chatboard. Contribute your favorite anecdote or joke and put a smile on the face of someone you'll never meet! The Classroom Humor Chatboard is updated regularly by contributions from teachers everywhere - submit your post today! Classroom Humor Chatbord.


    Teacher Social Chatboard...
    Teachers, let down your hair on the new Teachers.Net Social Chatboard. Tell a joke, set up a meeting, ask for someone's thoughts or prayers, or just vent or brag about what's new in your life. Bookmark the Teachers.Net Social Chatboard and contribute often.
    The Lighter Side of Teaching

    Here at Teachers.Net we realize that laughter is the best medicine, and we've got your prescription filled! Visit our Classroom Humor Chatboard and combat classroom stress by enjoying the smiles that make teaching so rewarding.



    © John P. Wood for
    Learning Laffs  

    Retirement Appreciation Seminar
    by Goose/TX (
    goose@teachers.net)


    I suspect that somehow, I have caused adversity to bestow itself upon certain companies and other organizations. Yesterday, I was reading about the most recent disaster that I evidently caused a company to encounter. Apparently, a Virginia woman purchased a box of McDonalds chicken wings and returned home with them. When she opened the box, she discovered a fried chicken head mixed in with the wings.

    Not only have I caused McDonalds misery with this disaster but also the other preposterous charges made against them in late August and early September concerning the obesity of diners who don't understand the real meaning of "super sizing." Luckily for McDonalds, I also caused Wendys a certain degree of disaster that began about the same time--the date when I purchased stocks in both companies.

    Wal-Mart mysteriously has been losing ground, as has Palm who was frantically attempting to avoid disaster until I sold my stock in them. Since then, their situation has slightly improved, but I'm not sure they'll recover. Most recently, I noticed that my curse has also affected Ford who was attempting to eek out a profit until my investment in their stock was eventually discovered. I'm sure that the employees of the various Ford factories have placed my picture on the wall and are throwing bolts and nuts at it because their company's stock is declining.

    Even the school district of Lockhart has experienced the anguish of my presence. For years, this school district had been on the receiving end of the Robin Hood bill which takes money from the rich districts and sends it to the poor districts. Quite mysteriously, the state of Texas suddenly abolished the Robin Hood bill soon after I moved from a rich district to a poor district.

    A person might infer that I'm experiencing paranoia. I agree. After moving 540 miles south, I assumed that I would no longer be plagued with snow, blizzards, and ice storms. A couple of weeks ago, the weather made the headlines as the first snow in several years occurred in this area. I've found that I am unable to escape bizarre weather. When I visited Borger in December, I was immediately greeted with an eight-inch snow which was predicted to be a light snow. The following morning I was shoveling snow.

    After contemplating this series of events, I concluded that possibly since I recently retired, the retirement system of Texas might soon be seriously threatened with an unanticipated calamity. With this possibility in mind, I decided that I should become more involved in being a substitute teacher. While substituting, I encountered one particularly peculiar incident. As the class was saying the Pledge Of Allegiance, I noticed that a student was not holding his hand over his heart. When we finished, I asked him why he wasn't holding his hand over his heart. He replied that it was against his religion. I wasn't about to touch that one, but I later wondered what the consequences would be if he were to sneeze, and another student were to reply, "God bless you." After a full week of torture, I viewed the situation as a five-day retirement appreciation seminar and vowed to find another solution to my paranoid anticipations.


    Classroom Chuckles
    From the Teachers.Net Chatboard

    Funny!!!! They'll say just anything!

    by CarolineSC/5


    Here's one for the books...

    One of our sweetest little fifth grade boys that likes to hang around with the teachers walked up to the retired teacher substituting in his classroom one day and very innocently said, "You strip, don't you?"

    She really didn't believe what he was saying, so she said, "What???"

    He replied with, "You take off your clothes for men, don't you?"

    When she didn't answer right away, he added, ". . . for money."

    She was horrified. He could see that and dashed on out the door to go home for the day.

    The next morning, she came in, intending to take him to the office. When he came in, he looked very embarassed. He was a child of a thousand apologies. He told the retired substitute that he told his grandmother what he had said. She told him she would beat him if he ever said anything like that again. He was so embarrassed.

    Turns out, his vocabulary was a little confused. She told the class that she was a "substitute". He mistook "substitute" for "prostitute".

    Poor kid! They'll say just about anything!


    Georgia's Head-tricks  

    © Georgia Hedrick  

    Latest Posts on the Classroom Humor Chatboard...
    More Classroom Humor...

    © John P. Wood for
    Learning Laffs  

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