1. "You HAVEN'T turned in your yearly lesson plans yet???????????"

Last week, a friend directed my attention to a column in the Dallas Morning News concerning recent revelations in studies of the erratic behavior of fourteen-year-olds. I have no idea how many of our tax dollars were consumed in these scientists’ quest for the solution to the mysterious behavior of these "humans" who are undergoing metamorphosis, but I could have saved them a lot of time, paper, and frustration.

How can we expect to unravel the complexity of puberty when we ourselves didn’t understand it while being under siege by it? If we didn’t understand it then, how in the Jupiter can we expect to understand it now?

I suspect that those scientists are members of our "Baby Boomer" generation and are actually attempting to somehow artificially reproduce these supercharging hormones. If this is indeed their ulterior motive, they’re in for more than a rude awakening.

Obviously, these scientists haven’t been surrounded by fourteen- year-olds for most of their lives as I have, or they would never dream of subjecting an "older body" to such torture. A fifty-year-old body could not possibly withstand the obscenely enormous amount of energy that those hormones would produce. And, if by some miracle it did, how would a fifty-year-old possibly survive the constant urges to trip, hit, grab, punch, kick and poke every friend that he had? How would the old back and knees withstand constantly running everywhere and periodically tripping, falling and sprawling about on the floor? I don’t think that a person of this age could live on nothing but candy bars, chips, and Cokes. Probably, the person’s heart would explode in rebellion after the first dose of the hormones.

However, I would not be surprised if such a discovery were actually made and the product marketed. I can just imagine the warning labels on the bottles. "Caution: Consumption of the contents of this bottle may cause sudden urges to trip, kick, poke, grab, choke, or hit other people. This product will severely inhibit a person’s ability to operate a motor vehicle. Consult a physician before taking this product. Side effects may include black eyes, bloody noses, loss of friends, loss of jobs, divorces, broken legs, arms, and other body parts along with hearing loss due to uncontrollable urges to listen to Brittany Spears. For additional information, visit our web site at www.fourteenyearolds.com." By the way, I actually visited that site... it’s under construction. I suppose that an "older person" owns it and has now idea what to put on it. Oh yes, one more thing. The scientists’ conclusion concerning the bewildering behavior of fourteen-year-olds was that their brains change during puberty. The obvious is revealed once again!

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