June 2009
Vol 6 No 6

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Teachers.Net Gazette Vol.6 No.6 June 2009

Cover Story by Graysen Walles
Teaching – The Power of Influence
The impact of teaching is clear, and the influence of the profession is immeasurable. All it takes is one moment, one situation, one discussion to turn the life of a young learner.

Harry & Rosemary Wong: Effective Teaching
Nine Year Summary of Articles, 2000 to 2009
On April 26, 2009, President Obama hosted the four 2009 finalists for America’s top national teaching honor, the National Teacher of the Year award. Alex Kajitani, who teaches mathematics at Mission Middle School in the Escondido Union (Elementary) School District in San Diego County was one of the four finalists.

»The Three R’s for Summer— Rest, Relax and Recharge! Sue Gruber
»Buddy Programs for Elementary Schools Leah Davies
»Moving to September Todd R. Nelson
»Ronald Reagan and the Art of Influence Marvin Marshall
»The Busy Educator's Monthly Five Marjan Glavac
»Substitute issues: Bathroom Passes & Anger Management Barbara Pressman
»Preparing Students for Travel: Films and Immunizations Josette Bonafino
»A Message to Share with Parents about Summer Learning Dorothy Rich
»Classroom Clean-Up and Clay in a Can Rick Morris

»Schools and Filters: Ice Age, the Meltdown Matt Levinson
»Effort: It Can be Taught! Deborah Granger
»Homework: Damned if you do, and if you don’t Alan Haskvitz
»Parents Are Recruits, Teachers Are Responsible, Kids Are Victims, and Schools Are Culpable For At-Risk Problems Bill Page
»12 Ways to Stop Conflict in its Tracks! Susan Fitzell
»Using Photographs To Inspire Writing VIII Hank Kellner
»The Writing on the Wall Tim Newlin
»More Brain Teasers Steve Sherman
»Teacher of Facts - and of Life Rachelle Ann A. Abad
»Grant Writing Tips Kimberly McCloud
»Bald is Beautiful! Teachers, Students Lose Locks to Fight Childhood Cancer David Peter Marchesseault

»Apple Seeds: Inspiring Quotes Barb Stutesman
»Today Is... Daily Commemoration Ron Victoria
»The Lighter Side of Teaching
»Video Bytes; Literacy Empowers (Illiteracy Awareness), The Underground Railroad, Wikis in Plain English - CommonCraft tutorial, Twitter in Plain English – a CommonCraft tutorial, Naturally 7 music group on Tavis Smiley Show, Tour the International Space Station!
»Teacher Blogs Showcase
»Printable - Ice Cream in a Baggie Recipe
»Featured Lessons, Wisdom from the Chat Achives, and Timely Printables Especially for June!
»What Is A Document Camera? What Does It Do?
»Newsdesk: Events & Opportunities for Teachers


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Cover Story by Graysen Walles

Effective Teaching by Harry & Rosemary Wong

Contributors this month: Graysen Walles, Sue Gruber, Leah Davies, Todd R. Nelson, Marvin Marshall, Marjan Glavac, Barbara Pressman, Josette Bonafino, Dorothy Rich, Rick Morris, Matt Levinson, Deborah Granger, Alan Haskvitz, Bill Page, Susan Fitzell, Hank Kellner, Tim Newlin, Steve Sherman, Rachelle Ann A. Abad, Kimberly McCloud, David Peter Marchesseault, Barb Stutesman, Ron Victoria, and BattleShip Ron.

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Susan Fitzell

Archive | Biography | Resources | Discussion

12 Ways to Stop Conflict in its Tracks!

How to stand up for yourself without being overly aggressive or resorting to language that escalates the conflict.
by Susan Fitzell
Regular contributor to the Gazette
June 1, 2009

When you find yourself caught in a verbal exchange that does not ‘feel’ right, then you may be dealing with bullying (intimidation, bulldozing, sarcasm, pushiness, exploitation, manipulation, etc.) or you may be dealing with someone who is upset over a misunderstanding and unable to communicate clearly in the moment.

What can you do to deal with the situation in the most positive and constructive way? How do you stand up for yourself without being overly aggressive or resorting to language that escalates the conflict? How do you avoid feeling like a victim? Below are a dozen tried & true ways to stop conflict in its tracks and keep your power!

  1. Stop, Breathe, Think, and Act
    1. Stop & pay attention to your body signals — don’t ignore the discomfort, adrenaline rush, etc.
    2. Breathe deeply from your belly. Cross your arms and legs and touch your tongue to your pallet as you breathe to engage your brain and limbic system.
    3. Think: “I CAN handle this!” (Positive self-talk)
    4. Consciously act! (as opposed to re-act.)
  2. Use comebacks that don’t escalate Conflict
    1. Thank you for letting me know how you feel.
    2. I hear you
    3. I can see this upsets you.
    4. I’m sorry you were hurt. That was not my intent.
    5. Agree with some of the statement but not all. (e.g. “You have a chip on your shoulder because you are short.” Agree, “Yes, I am short.”)
    6. You have an interesting perspective. I’ll have to give that some thought.
  3. Separate yourself from the situation.
    1. I will talk to you when you are calm. (Call “Time”, & leave)
    2. I will talk to you when I am calm. (Call “Time”, & leave)
  4. Ask a question; s/he who asks the question has the power.
    1. Why does that bother you? How so? Why do you ask? What makes you say that?
    2. I know you wouldn’t have said that unless you had a good reason. Could you tell me what it was?
  5. Be conscious of your body language and the words you choose: Keep Your Power.
  6. Be careful about tone of voice. Lower your voice. A soft, confident voice can be very powerful.
  7. Avoid “should,” “ought,” and “you” statements.
  8. Use ‘I” statements:
    1. When you…
    2. I feel…
    3. Next time would you …
  9. Let the other person save face so that they can change their minds. Give them a gracious way out.
  10. Stick to the issues. When our ‘buttons get pushed’ we often lose sight of our goal. Keep the goal in mind.
  11. Empathize. Yes, empathize. This is difficult to do and can be very effective at the same time.
  12. Make a plan to handle the situation positively in the future.
    1. What will you say? How will you say it? Assess whether it will reduce or escalate conflict.
    2. When you have an assertive response that does not escalate conflict, practice it with a trusted partner.
    3. Visualize & practice the dialogue in your minds eye. Visualize success.
    4. When that person pushes your buttons the next time, you’ll be prepared!

Adapted from Transforming Anger to Personal Power: An Anger Management Curriculum for Grades 6-12, by Susan G Fitzell, copyright 2007 Champaign, IL: Research Press

A printer friendly version of 12 Ways to Stop Conflict in its Tracks!

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About Susan Fitzell...

Susan Fitzell is a nationally recognized speaker and author of several educational resource books. She has over two decades of experience with differentiated instruction, teaching youth with special needs, students with behavioral and anger management issues, and students who experience bullying. Susan’s company, AIMHI Educational Programs, focuses on building caring school communities.

When I am traveling my messages tend to be short.
Thank you for your understanding.

Susan Fitzell, M. Ed.
Author, Educational Consultant & Professional Speaker
PO Box 6182, Manchester, NH 03103 USA

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