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Regular Feature in the Gazette
January 1, 2009

YENDOR’s Top Ten

TOP TEN Books Dr. Seuss Might Have Written If He Had Been A Teacher:

  1. And to think I saw it on the lunch line
  1. Oh, the detentions you will serve!
  1. The sub in the tub (mature readers)
  1. How the principal stole the petty cash
  1. One fish, two fish, red fish, blue fish... Where did all the freaking fish come from?
  1. Fox in socks and other oddities of the animal world
  1. Dr. Seuss's sleep book of faculty notes
  1. There's a wocket in my pocket and here comes DHR!
  1. I am not going to read any words today! (oops he did write that one! )

And the number one title Dr. Seuss might have written had he been a teacher is…


The Great Underwear Caper posted by Cat

Our youngest was in preschool at the time and had a hard time adjusting to her dad not being home every day. One morning she got it in her head that she was not going to go to preschool (4 ½ years old). I had taken a shower and was trying to get dressed. I went to my drawer to get out a pair of clean underwear and found the drawer bare. I started running around the house asking the kids what they had done with my underwear. The older two knew nothing. I could tell that our youngest knew what I was talking about, but she wasn’t going to talk.

After about 15 minutes of frantically searching for clean underwear, I looked behind the utility room door and found all of my clean underwear stashed there. Later, she told me that she knew that I could not go to school without any clean underwear. In her own way, I guess she was just trying to secure more time with me.

The Joys of Juicing: Pulp Fiction Posted by KimKca (from her blog)

Well, friends... After much thought and consideration, I bought a Jack LaLanne juicer. It is very fancy and very expensive. But what price for good health? Watching Elaine LaLanne shove all manner of fruits and vegetables through that chute, creating wonderful, delicious, healthy juices just inspired me. After all, Jack is older than dirt and looks damn good. He also hauled a boat across a harbor with his teeth so there must be something to this juicing business.

I went to the market this morning and bought 3 different BAGS of apples - for that uniquely blended apple flavor. Did you know you can shove the WHOLE apple through the chute? Yes! The whole thing, although it is recommended that you remove the stem.

I also bought a whole BAG of oranges, 2 cantaloupes, a whole pineapple, and blueberries. Yes, 2 boxes of blueberries at almost $4 per box because they looked so delicious and they are just chock-full of nutrients designed by Mother Nature to thwart all manner of illness. I also bought bananas but Elaine and Jack strongly stress in the little manual that one should NEVER put bananas in the juicer. It is BAD to put bananas in the juicer.

Here are my observations to date with regard to said juicer:

  1. $4 worth of blueberries yields 2 teaspoons of juice.
  2. One gala and one granny smith apple, stems removed, and one package of $4 blueberries creates 3/4 of a juice glass of juice. It is a purplish green color and tastes quite good.
  3. Regardless of adherence to directions, the juicer is quite active. When the plastic "pulp collector" spins right off the juicer, which it did twice, fruit pulp flies all over the kitchen.
  4. There are 8 parts which must be washed thoroughly when the juicer is finished creating 3/4 of a juice glass full of greenish-purple juice. All of these parts are interlocking and the remaining pulp adheres snugly.
  5. Although dogs will eat almost anything, they will not lick up fruit pulp flung onto the floor, cabinet doors, or the refrigerator door. Any pieces that hit the dog dish will be disregarded.

I will say that my kitchen is squeaky clean after scrubbing and mopping but I am a little concerned about all this fruit in my house.

Jack and Elaine must have a maid.

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About YENDOR...

Hi there! My name is YENDOR and I live in Alabama, the land of good Looking women and high humidity.

I was a traveling piano picker for about 25 years, a radio jock and then backed into teaching. I taught sixth grade one year and then fifth gradefor twenty-seven years.

My hobbies are computer, collecting old radio shows from the 30's-50's, classic OLD TV shows, Asian horror movies, reading, collecting autographs, and music. My favorite singer/songwriter is Michelle Shocked. If you don't like her you don't like me. My favorite comedian is W.C. Fields. My favorite author is Mark Twain.

I play the piano, bass guitar and drums. I sometimes wish I had done that for a living.

I have a freakish sense of humor and rarely agree with anyone on anything. I love practical jokes and only play them on people I like... which is a short list.

I retired from teaching two years ago and don't miss it a bit. People come up to me all the time and say, "What do you DO all day?" I simply tell them that I retire.

If you are ever in northern Alabama, come by and see me. If you don't drink sweet tea you will be shot at the door. If you put a lemon in it you will be beaten but not shot... the first time.

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